Written by: Toyosi Adebusuyi
Bad bosses, awful coworkers, salary deprivation, and workplace bullies… Dami has seen it all. Over the last two years, she has carried financial and personal burdens that no one should have to bear alone. She went from losing her job during COVID-19, losing all of her savings in a bad investment to finding a new job with double pay and then to a salary cut.
She shares with me what she refers to as a “period of grace” and tells me how God, her friends, and real love helped her get through this difficult time.
“When I quit my job, It didn’t matter that I didn’t have a new job yet. The fear of my reality was way bigger than the uncertainty I was going to face. I had gotten to the point where I would rather have hunger kill me than a job. I had literally survived the previous months, so I was sure it would be tough but I’ll be fine”.
“I worked for free with an insensitive boss”
In May 2020, Dami resigned from her job after becoming frustrated with having to consistently deal with unpaid salaries, disrespect and insensitivity from her boss. She couldn’t wrap her head around why she was sacrificing so much and earning nothing. The company didn’t even have basic facilities like a generator or wifi.
The pre-agreed benefits stated in her contract were not being met and she was constantly owed salary. She reached out to her boss to resign and was met with an “Awww, are you tired? Sorry love, you can take an unpaid month off to rest”. After owing her for three months? She knew that was her cue to leave.
Her rent was due the same month, and she had only recently begun to develop a healthy savings habit. She knew it would be difficult from then on, but she trusted God not to make it too hard. “My community carried me through this period. I had some money left from my savings and a couple of them contributed so I could complete my rent. That was how I crossed my first hurdle.”
In an attempt to improve her financial situation, she invested heavily in a Ponzi scheme recommended by a friend. She lost this money, as you would expect, and was extremely hurt. She learned that if she had done more research, she would have known the qualities she needs to look out for in a good investment platform before investing. But she didn’t have the time to sulk, her rent was due. What was she going to do?
A normal person would give up at this point given the mounting debt Dami now had to pay without a salary to rely on and only two short-lived side jobs. But guess what? She found love.
A bitter-sweet romance happened
At her lowest, a charming young man walked into her life and made life easier. “Love saved me! I wasn’t paying for a lot of things and was barely in my house. He had just relocated to Nigeria and was trying to set up a company so I was helping out. He provided for my basic financial needs and ensured I wasn’t suffering as much”.
Fast forward to 2021 however, she started seeing certain traits which made her make a decision to break things off as soon as she got a new job. She found out that she was with an overly jealous and overprotective person and the relationship with him was only blossoming because of her submission.
“It’s not in my nature to be financially dependent on people but at that point, I couldn’t even react to certain things because I was the one in need. I was in need, heartbreaking, I know but I didn’t have money so I endured it all. I couldn’t even tell this man about my friends contributing to my welfare because he would assume I was being unfaithful to our relationship”
In May 2021, Dami’s rent was once again due; she had to rely on financial assistance from friends during this time because she was juggling a now unstable relationship and paying rent. “I had friends who gave me substantial amounts of money. During this time, I got close to N1 million, if not more. Grace carried me through that year because I wasn’t able to find a new job until August. I finally had the opportunity to end my romantic relationship with this guy.”
With a new job came new challenges
Dami had no idea she’d be resigning three months after starting a new job. She wasn’t going to try to fight a system that was clearly set up against her, even though she was earning more than double her previous salary. Although it was amazing to be back on a company’s payroll, she refused to compromise her mental health in exchange for money.
“I was relieved when I got a new job because it meant that I could finally start repaying my debt.” Thankfully, I borrowed money from friends, so I didn’t have to deal with pressure, but I had a boss who struggled with insecurities that were always projected on me.”
According to research from Gallup, 50% of employees leave their companies because of their boss, not their job. As an extremely brilliant salesperson who had spent years working in Fashion, Dami did a whooping N24 Million in sales during her first month. You would think that would earn her accolades from her boss but instead, he began to feel intimidated by her and constantly referred to her as a “proud person”.
By the time Dami would resign from this company, she had no savings and was almost back to square one. “I stopped saving money during this time because a huge percentage of my salary started going to debt repayment. I also prioritised my comfort at this time and started taking Uber to work. I had suffered for too long, and I wasn’t about to start struggling for buses in Lagos”.
Love and community saved Dami again
It’s not a coincidence that every time Dami resigns, love locates her. Grace just seems to follow her around. “I think God intentionally places people in my life even before life happens to me cause what other explanation could be responsible for this”? She said.
A new job hunt began for Dami in October, the same month she left her barely 3-month-old job, but she had not only her friends, but a romantic partner to support her all through the way. She was and is still surrounded by a community of angels. “I’ll always say to myself, I may not be rich but I’m surrounded by friends who love and care for me. No, my friends come through for me so much”.
The more I talked with Dami about her community, the more I realised how many friends she had, and how she made it a point to stay in touch with them all on a regular basis. Sometimes she has to show up for herself and she’s MIA (missing in action), but this is where honesty and understanding strengthen her bonds with her friends.
I believe my friendships flourish because they are founded on genuine emotions, especially honesty..” That is one trait I believe all of my friends share. I adore intimacy, and in order to foster it, I need my friends to be bare. I bear a lot of emotions because I manage so many friendships, and I need people to be people. I’m always on the lookout for”.
She finally found a new job in February after a few months of searching, but she had to take a major pay cut, about 40% less than her previous income. Even though she knew she was worth more than that, she had reached the point where she was unable to reject this offer. But nevertheless, sometimes life throws us challenges and we have to adapt to survive.
She’s in her waiting season
Dami would love to have a flourishing savings life, but it hasn’t been easy. The bills are numerous, and there’s always something new to attend to like her washing machine deciding to stop working all of a sudden. Dami saves money, but only for short-term goals. She believes in the savings culture, but not at the expense of your basic needs. For example, she won’t starve herself of food to save money.
“I can’t have N100k in savings right now and be pleading with a friend for cash to buy groceries or even renew my passport. I believe your savings are meant to help you in times of need, and that is how I interpret the culture.”
When I asked her what goals she’d like to achieve before the end of the year, she mentioned being in her waiting season.
“I feel like my blessings come in small packages, and right now I’m just waiting. I don’t even have any goals right now, I’m just really hoping that I don’t make wishes that are not God’s plan for me yet so I don’t end up disappointed again. Sometimes, I feel like I’m supposed to be earning a lot more than this but right now, I’m teaching myself to rest.”
It‘s the end of the year and while it’s absolutely normal for you to evaluate some of the goals you made at the beginning, don’t beat yourself up too much about it. You can always set new financial goals and work towards them. Moni will meet you at every step.
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